Why 5 Guys? WHY?!

So Wednesday I had to go up and clean my mom's house,  since I have been craving a 5 Guys burger, I decided to to stop at the bountiful 5 Guys to kill two birds, as it were... 
Ohhh, bad idea -  It has forever tainted my delicious first experience and here is why...

I walked in and the restaurant was crowded, not usually a problem, but it was also quite dirty in spite of the one employee who lazily wandered around with a dish rag doing a half assed job of  wiping tables.
Why don't you try dipping that food encrusted rag into a sink once in a while, and while you're at it, does this place own a broom?   Just a thought...

I step to the counter and order my cheese burger - mayo, mustard, ketchup, lettuce tomato and this time I try mushrooms  -  Delicious!
I get my cup and fill with 1/2 diet coke and 1/2 cherry coke - Delicious!
No fries, I'm still traumatized...
I fill my little cardboard boat with peanuts and wait for the man behind the counter to call my number - 78.
"77 - 78" he hollers in what was more of an angry bellow than the call of  your-order-is-ready, startling me, which made me a little bit afraid to go to the counter and get my burger. 
However, I know if I don't go up there, he's going to become further aggravated by the fact that he hates his job, thus provoking him to cause further damage the contents of my meal by continuing to shake the bag while he calls out  "78...   78..."
I go to the counter, he looks at me, I say "78" in what I thought was a strong That's-my-meal kind of voice, my bravado ruined by the almost undetectable quiver in my voice. 
The thrusts my bag at me - success!
As I lean to the end of the counter to grab more napkins, I am impaled by his glare that clearly says "there are napkins in the bag dumb-ass".  I smile meekly and move on.

Ahhhh - burger time! 
I go back to the table where I sit alone, open the bag, pull out the shiny foil package that contains burger nirvana and set it on the table...  A moment of silence while I enjoy the anticipation...
I unwrap the foil and hold this creation in my hand, I swear it glows just a little bit...  but I could be wrong.
Bite one - all beef and cheese.  Delicious!
Bite two -  too much lettuce and tomato, I remove a portion of each and we are back in business.
Bite three - the bun seems to be a bit stale and dry...  Depleted of the strength that moisture and freshness give to a good hamburger bun, it loses it's integrity and begins to disintegrate. Damn.

Bite four - is that a hint of jalapeno I detect? Hmmm...    No bueno
Bite five - WHAT?! that is definitely ONION mixed in with the lettuce!  There seems to be some cross contamination going on here! 
Bite Six - the bun has now disintegrated beyond recognition dropping precious bits of burger and splats of mustard (of which they have also used too much of.  I'm tellin ya, with mustard, it's a fine line).
Bite Seven - the burger is a total loss as it falls to crumbly pieces along with my hopes and dreams... dashed on the rocks of a shitty franchise branch.   Why 5 Guys?!  WHY?! 

Disappointed, I wad up what is left of this "Burger" (said with nasal sneer)  in the napkins that came so dearly and stuffed the whole mess into the cardboard peanut boat.  With the shells of peanuts and the empty shell of my expectations, I throw the whole kit and kaboodle in the trash, refill my drink and make my exit...

But the story does not end there, Oh no it does not.
I then drive to my mom's house and begin to clean the kitchen.  While loading the dishwasher, I can feel a disturbance in the force.  Hmmm - my stomach is not feeling so good...
I think to myself no big deal and continue to clean.
Odd sounds begin to emanate from my digestive system...  Great!
Grugle....    squeak...  gurgle...   guuuurrrrgggllle....   As it becomes clear to me that I am in for a major rumble in the bronx,  I make a hasty retreat to the ladies... Damn you 5 Guys! What have you done to me?  

Okay, to be fair, it could possibly have been the of the cafeteria pasta I ate for lunch (temperature control? I think not) or the antibiotics I am taking... 
But based on that would I eat there again? Probably, but I strongly recommend the Fort Union 5 Guys for burger goodness, as long as only one person  orders fries...  Fry sauce optional.

5 Guys and a Burger

Last week or so, I went to lunch with a couple of my friends, Conor and Michael.  Michael absolutely wanted to go for burgers, must have been one of his junk food kicks...
So the first place he suggested was Smasburger...   My response: "eh" as I shrugged my shoulders, didn't think it was the greatest.
So he suggested 5 Guys Burgers and Fries.
I had never  been there,  the only point of reference I had was from another of my friends, Matthew. One day he came back from lunch smelling like a fast food restaurant, I asked him where he went for lunch he said " 5 Guys".  "Is it good?"  I asked him?  his reply was "yeah, not bad" and that was about it.  So no great expectations based on his review, never thought much about it after that.
When Michael suggested 5 Guys, I thought to myself - not really in the mood for a burger but whatever...  I trust Michael's culinary judgment, he knows good food, even good bad food.

Michael came to my house to pick me up (I ended up driving because his car was covered in dog hair, or so he said) and we went to Conor's to pick him up.  Of course there is no 5 Guys near by and it is raining - Great!   But I take one for the team and begin our lunch trek out south.
We  end up taking some seriously convoluted route because of construction and such, taking a wrong turn blah blah blah... comments from my passengers about my driving - I suggest one of them drive next time.   You're welcome... 
Damn back seat drivers, would have helped if I had known were we were going in the first place...  Just a though -  I don't think the navigation team was up to par that day...
So we get back on our path to our destination and we are on our way - Woowhooo!  Off the exit we go,  I say we turn right,  they say left,   out voted, we go left, wrong turn again...  Ummm navigation team, where are you?   Where it hell is this place?  Should have listened to me in the first place.  Hello...
We double back and I spot our destination,  Michael says to me  "should have trusted your instincts"  Agreed.
We park in the rainy wet parking lot, and before the car actually comes to a complete stop, the  boys jump out and run for the restaurant doors leaving me behind - Thanks for leaving a girl hanging... Chivalry is truly dead.  So I catch up to them and we enter the restaurant.

Bright white and red decor with sacks of potatoes forming the barrier for the line - just a couple of people in the restaurant  doesn't look like anything spectacular.   We look at the menu.
Simple, consisting of burgers, fries, hot dogs and soft drinks.  Everything they make is fresh, never frozen, they cut the fries there, slaughter the cow out back etc...
We place our orders,  I was the last to order,  cheese burger with lettuce, tomato, mayo, mustard and ketchup, I also get an order of fries and a drink.   Pretty basic.
We get our order # and head for the soda fountain, pick a table and Michael comes to the table with a  little cardboard boat full of peanuts.  Hmmm....   kitchy...    We chitty chat as we shell our peanut treats, and they call our number...
Conor grabs our bags from the counter, gets back to the table, reaches into the bag and pulls out the burgers labeled 1, 2, 3 and hands them out...    We each open the foil and look at the burger,   "this is not what I ordered" we all say and switch around burgers until we all get the right one,  it's like burger roulette.
We  open the bag of fries (each of us ordered fries with our meal) to find more fries than I have ever seen in my life!  It is a large brown paper shopping bag full to the top with fries!  NOT KIDDING!
If you ever go to 5 guys and order fries for a few people, one order will suffice believe me on this one,  A mountain of fries - delicious!  We're going to need more fry sauce...
I pick up my burger and take the first bite - Total Burger Nirvana!   This thing was sooo good!
Yummy noises galore,   like the scene in Young Frankenstein - MMMMMMMMMMM...  MMMMMMMMMMMM!
This was truly the best burger I have ever had!  I never want it to end - delicious!  I have found my happy place.
There we sat,  enjoying our food and eating way too many fries, commenting about the ridiculous amount of fries, but unable to stop eating them - can't let them go to waste -  and we finally come to terms with the fact that there is no way, in heaven or hell, that we will ever be able to finish all of these fries....    so the game of "Not It" begins, with me losing of course, and I get stuck with the fries. 
Michael is adamant that we not waste... 
Happy and full, we get back into the car - we all smell like fast food restaurant,  lucky us and with the bag of fries in tow, the smell is that much worse in the enclosed car...  or better, depending on what you like.
The drive home was a food induced haze, I  get home and all I know is that I am still full, I still smell like fast food and I have a giant bag of fries - What the hell am I going to do with all these fries?
Then I occurs to me...   I can string them on necklaces like macaroni and give them to my loved ones for the holidays  :)

P.S. since then, I have been craving a 5 Guys burger, even more than the In-n-Out burger...

My day thus far... (caution: could be offensive to some)

Aside from eating the nastiest oatmeal on earth this morning, my day has been pretty uneventful.
Just another day in paradise.

My co-worker (we will call her Wanda) is on one today. I think someone spiked her diet coke with some kind of pep pill – unfortunately her brand of peppiness is never funny or endearing and often takes a turn into the realm of disturbing sexual reference. She really needs to get laid, and when/if she does, she needs to keep it to herself! No talking about it! Her sexual frustrations have become more and more verbal in the office and trust me, nobody needs to be subjected to that bizz.
Eeeeewwww, gives me the heebs.

Lunch from Cafe Rio, or Cafe rhea, as it has been referred to in the past by a friend who had a not so pleasant experience - but as I have never had such Cafe Rio issues, it should be much better than nasty oatmeal, if not detrimental to my "eating healthy for lent" goal.
Will power? What is that?

And now rethinking the cafe rhea...
Not sure if I should blame the Cafe Rhea or the nasty oatmeal for the after lunch rumble in the Bronx.
Either way - No bueno.
Time for a Wint-O-Green life saver to counteract the effects of lunch. With any luck it could help settle the stomach.
One can only hope... wish it were Pep-O-Mint.

My band is playing!

Finally my band is playing another show!
Here is the info

Highway 89 @ Pat's BBQ on Saturday, Jan. 31st from 7:00 to 9:30

What is up with the blog?

Here I am "blogging". Why you may ask?
I really have no idea as my world is one of complete monotony for the most part, which apparently is the norm for the blog.
So I say "What the hell! Let's blog!"
First I navigate the blog options. This causes me anxiety (as most things do) due to the fact that I have to choose a name for this blog. Some clever name that in a couple of words tells what I am about. My co-worker summed it up in one full word and of course one partial word. Name chosen: The Bizz. Anyone who knows me, knows why this works. Now we move on to the layout... Oh the boring boring options. I chose one. Done. (not blog savvy enough to pimp it just yet) .
I am now inundated with more options.
Settings - unleashing an entire world of crap - where do I begin?
Ahh yes, Adult Content. For now I will keep the cursing to a minimum, that may change in the future. So, No on that one.
Description? Add your blog to our listings? Enable Transliteration? We will get back to that later.
More Layout... really?
What the Eff is add a gadget? We will get back to that as well.
Hallelujah! The Help option, like manna from heaven, sweet nectar of life...